People Pleaser Pattern

Ok, I suppose I have this People Pleaser Pattern. Just learnt this today. Don’t worry, it’s not some disease, it is some guy’s result of a thesis. According to him, people with this pattern try to please people around him. Not all, but some people around him, and not always but sometimes. Apparently, when this pattern gets activated, people wanna please the other person by accepting whatever they say, change one’s own likes/dislikes to the other person’s tastes, avoid conflict situations by all means and let the other person dominate without even realizing it.

The following are the conditions that indicates this pattern. If these statements fit you in certain situations, you may have a People Pleaser Pattern.

• · I try to be who someone wants me to be.
• · I am afraid to rock the boat.
• · It is hard for me to know what I want.
• · I avoid speaking my mind.
• · I find it easier to go along with what someone wants or with their opinion.
• · I fantasize about a strong person taking over my life and making it work.
• · It is hard for me to express my feelings when they are different from someone I'm close to.
• · It is difficult for me to say No.
• · I avoid getting angry.
• · It is hard for me to take initiative.
• · I try to be nice rather than expressing how I really feel.
• · I want everyone to get along.

So how do we solve this problem? Well, he has found a solution as well. The following are the steps transform People Pleaser Pattern to one of Autonomy:

• · Understand your behavior
• · Understand your motivation
• · Heal Childhood Wounds
• · Awareness
• · Work with the Pleaser Part
• · Develop Autonomy
• · Uncover Hidden Aggression
• · Choose Supportive People

K, gotta stop now and find my childhood wounds to heal. Meanwhile, if you want more details, go to http://www.earley.org/Patterns/people_pleaser.htm